SDE published a report by so-called Kenyan “researchers” looking into the successes of Jamaican sprinters.
Cannabis in sport takes on a new angle with Kenyan researchers (?) advising weed for speed.
Kenyan researchers, claiming they uncovered the true reason behind the Olympic successes of Jamaica, which the sport and academic world could only speculate upon, analyzed the Jamaican dominance in sprint races.
Prof. Wak Manyang’ and Dr. Emalek Kiso didn’t need much research but used a tongue-in-cheek insight to come to their conclusion. They give the credit to marijuana when speculating on why Jamaicans can run so fast.
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“Weed for speed”
The research paper published in a local science journal titled “Weed for speed” recommends legalizing Cannabis sativa. It should be allowed to be grown, sold and liberally consumed to the benefit of sports in Kenya. This, they say, will be more effective than wearing Jamaican flag colored bracelets or bandannas, or copying the Jamaican dance style.
The “researchers” claim that if Kenyans want to out-run Jamaicans, it is “high time” cannabis was legalized. It is the only way to put Kenya on the sprinters’ map.
The best is Cannabis sprinticus (WHAT are you smoking?)
The authors warned that it is not all varieties of marijuana that will be of benefit to athletes, but a specific variety named Cannabis sprinticus. Native to Jamaica, it holds the most potential. But fortunately it is not too different to the Cannabis sativa strains, which some consider Kenya’s most successful secret cash crop.
According to the researchers, Kenya has the perfect environmental conditions for producing Cannabis sprinticus, saying their country is blessed with the right climate, great soil and a corruptible police force and administration.
The Jamaican gene pool
Other options were looked into before weed was pinpointed as the best solution to put Kenya in the running for gold sprinting medals. The alternative would be to tap into the Jamaican gene pool by both governments signing a bilateral baby production pact by which Kenyan women would receive incentives to produce babies from Jamaican men when Jamaican reggae artists came on tour, and vice versa.
After due consideration the researchers concluded bhang would be the cheaper, more convenient and cost-effective option.
Researchers accused of smoking illicit substance
Shortly after publication the researchers were accused of using banned substances. A religious leader said there is only one explanation for the ridiculous report: the authors must have been smoking something illicit.
The opinion of another “expert” was to suggest that keeping weed a criminalized substance could actually be the best way to develop sprinters, as Kenyans in possession would sprint away when they spot the police to avoid being arrested.
A senior lawyer agreed the law should be made more severe so more Kenyans can discover their hidden sprinting abilities when the police surprise them and they have to flee at high speed.
Another critic of the paper suggests that athletic official should look into a wider pool of talent to source athletes from. For instance, twilight girls, hawkers and touts from Nairobi have to be quite fit, and this could uncover major sprinters. These people get good practice sprinting from county government, askaris, police etc.
On the other hand, they also get good practice sprinting after clients who have ditched paying. There is definitely natural talent involved there, and they could be discovering a goldmine, said a sports analyst.
Cannabis in sport is a hot topic
It seems cannabis in sport is taking up a lot of media space, be it as a hoax (as in this hilarious example) or for real.